Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
