Swine flu. Run for my life!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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