And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
