U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
