ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
