Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
