I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
