first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
