wanna go halves on a baby?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize