I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
