even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
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Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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