I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My ATM looks so different sober.
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I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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