I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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