I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
