We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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