Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
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You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
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I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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