I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
