i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
