I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
