ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
