So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
