he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm just crazy horny about you
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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