Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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