Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
