dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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