So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
