After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My ass is underappreciated
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
