Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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