We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
