I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
