she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
