I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's the barista slut.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
