If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
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