Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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