Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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