I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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