How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
