I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
