i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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