Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My penis needs a shock collar
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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