I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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