I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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