Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
