there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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