Your face is a jimmy john
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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