somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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