She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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