It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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