The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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