just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
