She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
