I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
