He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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