I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
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bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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