There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
A+ Viking dick
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