I love black thongs
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You took a bar mat shot.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Randomize
