not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
