When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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