And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
