Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
