maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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