i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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