she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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