So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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