hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
