Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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