The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
