Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
