Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
