Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
